Your dad touched me again.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
