Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She told me I should be a condom model.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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