Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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