I seem to have left my pride at pride
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
