THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
