just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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