forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
