she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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