Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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