Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
