I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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