I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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