Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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