i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
