He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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