...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is Oprah even human
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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