and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
