At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
