I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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