well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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