my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I intend to get homeless drunk
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
