The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I did not marry a roomba.
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