Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize