it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
