I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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