Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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