I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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