Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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