Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
