guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
