If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
