I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
