i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
