i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
