I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I need to sanitize my soul.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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