No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
