Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
MIDGETS
????
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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