i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She's JV to your varsity
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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