Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
