Kiss
Puke
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
