bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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