im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
