Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
