She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
