saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
