i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
