The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
