I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
