I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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