Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
