She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
