when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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