Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
