Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
