even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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