Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
