I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it's great music for shaving your balls
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize