I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
