I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
