i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize