The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm at about main and main street
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
