he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
