I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
