the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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