So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can't turn off my feet"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
