A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
