i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
