Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
