I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
