woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
