the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
