Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
