I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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