it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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