btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
