Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
