My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize