Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
