I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize