do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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