So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize