Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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