I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
