it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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