She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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