I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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