Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
