I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
