Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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