it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
