Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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