I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
