I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
