About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize