I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
MIDGETS
????
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
