I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Randomize