He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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