Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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