I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
God, I missed his penis.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
