you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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